It’s been half an year since I am living and learning in this part of the world. While Canada is different than America in many ways – the social life is the same. Immigrants and background is what defines people in this country. They are never Canadians rather they are Indian-Canadians, Mexican-Canadians, Finnish- Canadians, Irish-Canadians – you know what I mean by now. The social structure in Canada is safer than in America – higher social security, better health system, at the cost of higher tax rates and harsher winters. Canadians are less Canadians and more Chinese, Indian, Korean, Vietnamese, Irish, Finnish. Americans are Americans. And every coin has two sides. Canada and America share the longest unarmed border – they can cross the borders and not face a single problem. Under NAFTA working in either countries is not as bad as getting an H1B. Well, but this post is not about that it is about the fickle part of their lives and a stronger and harder of our – relationships and love.
It is interesting to see what dominates our lives as we grow out of teenage-hood. While as kids we worried about those craft assignments, filling in the water paint inside the pencil borders, then choosing a degree, then the job, promotions, back stabbing etc. When all is going well, its the life-partner that bothers. Find one, you want kids, and then your life cycle starts afresh with roles being reversed. Since I left undergraduate school I am seeing my friends getting married, or struggling to get married with their loved ones, fighting the rules set by the society. There are tons of reasons for rejection – religion, caste, looks, education, fair skin, thin and slim, height, immaturity. This is rejected by people who gave us our kindergarten moral lesson that all that glitters is not gold. These are the people who overlook the fact that two people love each other and will take care of each other. Why do they overlook love? Because we build families, not individuals.
Welcome to western culture as it is famously known. I was talking about arrange marriages with an immigrant Canadian(maybe they are synonymous). Just like me they cannot understand how people can share their bed and breakfast with a person they have met few minutes. But, I know that it works. It has worked for all the people I know, and we are the result of it. Like us, men and women here are scared to disclose their relationships to their families – reasons are the same as us. "She was raised a German Catholic", "He is a Jew", "Asian??". But they overcome all that since they were raised as an individual and it is "me and my life" at the end of the day. They might not be in love but they fall in love with the idea of being in love. They break apart. They get upset, cry, get drunk, swear to be single again and then start dating again. Break ups are hard, being in love is hard, since it is the risk of being in pain. They bear it all – they are an individual. Yet it is the fickle part of their life.
People in India want to fall in love. They do. And then they step back and hurt the other because they cannot go against family. They have to fight all odds to get the person they love in this life. Make love a more rational than emotional issue. Don’t be in love, if you have no heart to break the barriers that your society sets for you. Do not play with feelings of the other person if you don’t know what you want from your relationship. Think what you can give in a relationship, since it is the harder part than asking for what you want. Don’t lie, don’t assume, even if it hurts.
Being in love is beautiful. It needs courage. It needs to break the barriers since society cannot change over night rather over a period of time. And yes, you might want to build a family. Don’t you ?